The challenges of being a caregiver to an aging parent are limitless. In addition to physical care that may be necessary, work responsibilities, family responsibilities, health problems and geographical distance can make it nearly impossible for adult children of aging parents to provide all the care that may be necessary and deal with all the issues.

Many adult children of aging parents are still raising their own families at home, and working full time, hence the name “ sandwich generation”. They are “sandwiched” between caring for their elderly parents and their younger children still at home. And now we can add to this the “double-decker sandwich generation”! Many people are caring for their own children at home, their aging parents, and due to the fact that people are living longer, they may even be caring for their grandparents as well!

Some of the basic issues they are facing in caring for aging family members are housing, coordination of medical services, legal issues, shopping, cleaning, transportation, bill payments and more. Handling all these issues with no assistance, while raising your own family and working full time and especially from a distance may cause great disruption and stress in the caregiver’s own family life, jeopardize their financial situation due to loss of work, or inability to work, and jeopardize their own personal health as well.

The fastest growing segment of the population during this decade will be those aged 45 – 65. The number of Americans over 65 will jump from 34 million in 1995 to 62 million by 2025 (which is fast approaching!). 80 percent of older adults needing long term care in the U.S. receive that care in a home setting with family or friends as primary caregivers. The average caregiver is a married, middle class female in her 40’s and over half of those providing that care are employed full-time.

Adult children of aging parents often don’t realize or accept how serious a situation may have become for their parents, or are not able to determine when the time is right to intervene, or even how to intervene. They may not be familiar with services and resources that are available in the community in which their aging relatives live, especially if they live far away. Also, oftentimes, the aging adults are uncooperative in accepting the fact that they have come to the point where they need help. Family members may spend all their time off, vacation time, or just have to take unpaid leave to travel back and forth trying to deal with these issues.

There are many resources available to assist adult children of aging parents or just those trying to assist aging family members or friends. One of those resources is the Geriatric Care Manager. These are experts in the field of aging who can help you navigate through the system of aging services. Some of the things a Care Manager can do include:

• Conduct an assessment to identify the problems and determine a plan of care
  
• Locate and monitor in-home help
  
• Review financial, legal and medical issues and make referrals to geriatric specialists
  
• Provide crisis intervention
  
• Act as a liaison with family members living at a distance
  
• Assist with moving arrangements to a retirement or assisted living facility or a skilled nursing facility
  
• Offer counseling and support to family members
  
• Become surrogate family to aging adults who have no family, or whose family live at a distance

You can get a referral to a care manager in your area from a hospital social worker or discharge planner, elder law attorney, local senior center, Area Agency on Aging office, physician, CPA, among others.

Here are some tips for caregivers of aging parents or family members to remember:

1. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF: You can’t do it all and you need to ask for help. You can’t help anyone if you lose your own health. 80% of primary caregivers caring for a spouse actually become ill and die before the person they are taking care of. Even a younger adult child of an aging parent can undermine their health in trying to do it all.

2. FIND RESOURCES: Ask for help. Find family members or friends, people at your place of worship, or professional community resources and avail yourself of their assistance.

3. HANDLING ROLE REVERSAL: Put yourself in the shoes of your aging parents. They are dealing with loss of independence, illness, perhaps loss of a spouse, loss of friends, fear and difficulty in accepting help from their children. While you may feel in many cases like they have become the child and you the parent – they are still your parents and still deserve your respect and consideration. Of course, in some cases you must do something unpopular, which is in their best interest, and this can be difficult, but there are resources that can assist you with dealing with these issues.

4. COMMUNICATION: Communicate with family and friends and your employer. Let them know about the issues and challenges you are facing. Ask for support> Find out if your employer has any resources to assist you and any benefits for elder care.

5. INVOLVE OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS: Try to get siblings, your own adult children, and any family members to help you. Get together and make it a family project. Make a plan and assign duties – so that all the stress and responsibility does not fall on one person or one family alone.

The leading edge of the baby boomer generation have begun to hit retirement age and as this huge segment of our population continues to age, these issues of caring for aging parents and grandparents will continue to be one of great concern and one which will affect families, communities, and employers who are now having to consider providing benefits for elder care, as well as child care, and are also more interested in providing information and education to their employees on these matters. It will also have a far reaching financial impact on individuals, families, their cities, counties, states and our country as a whole as we wrestle with not only caregiver issues, but of all aspects of long term care, and how it will be paid for.

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Melanie Farber is a Certified Senior Advisor and CEO of Personal Parent Care, Inc., an eldercare agency providing geriatric care management, In-Home Caregivers and Facility Placement Services. They are One Source for All Your Eldercare Needs. She also offers seminars, classes and workshops, often with other specialists in the long term care field to adult children of aging parents.

Call (805) 389-0997 for further information or a complimentary half hour consultation either by phone or in person. Or visit their website:
http://www.personalparentcare.com

Melanie Farber, CSA,
PERSONAL PARENT CARE, INC.
JANUARY 2006

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